Some days you feel like you're walking on tightrope, like you don't know what to think, then you overthink and then all sorts of bad things and crappy thoughts come to your head and eventually you end up screwing everything up. That's pretty much resumes my emotional state of the last months. I overthink things that I should let behind the second they happen. I get all sorts of bad energies from people and mostly from myself and I became this stressed out person that no one (including myself) likes. The rare moments when I find my 'old-self' happen when I'm doing what I love the most that is taking photos and when I'm within his arms. That's pretty much it. I get angry at the smallest and insignificant things, I panic and the truth is I'm pushing everyone away, even worst, I'm pushing the one's I love the most away. And it sucks and I'm making a hell of an effort to change, but again, it is so hard and so lonely to have to do this all by myself. Not that I am alone, but because no one else can do this for me. But well, I don't want to end up alone and I know I can be (and I am) better than this so, the only way up.
Life isn't always roses and I've got through worse than this before. I want to live the moment, learn how to be happy without knowing how tomorrow's gonna be. I don't want to have expectations, I want to be surprised by what life gives me, I want things how they used to be, happy, simple, exciting. No worries from the past, no second thoughts, stability, safeness, smiles, love. Small little things that become the great thing to be remembered someday. I don't want to hide things anymore, just want to live. Work hard, become a better professional, a better person, a better human being. That's all.
Late night thoughts, between overthinking and sleeping. The usual. And a very personal post. Perhaps too personal, but honestly, and don't care.